Do you have someone in your life who can “gently” call you on your “stories”?
A person (if not yourself) who can help you see when you’re in a pattern with your stories about your voice or singing.
Sometimes we can do this for ourselves and sometimes we are so “in it” that we can’t see the forest for the trees.
In these situations we need a trusted loved one, friend or mentor to assist us with our awakening form our pattern.
In this episode I give a wonderful example of this with 2 characters from a show you’ll know.
This episode is marked “explicit” only for a couple of words in the song.
They are not “4 letter words”, just words you wouldn’t want to have to explain to your kids without being prepared. (-:
The Inner Singer Podcast
Episode 33 – Transcripts
Do You Tell “Stories” About Your Voice?
Well, hi there, everyone. This is Mike Goodrich. Thanks for listening to The Inner Singer Podcast today.
I’m going to ask you a quick question. I had an idea about this podcast some time ago, and it was inspired by the show Man of La Mancha.
Actually, before I get into this, I should say that I’m going to read some lyrics today from a song because it kind of emphasizes a point that I want to make. And within the lyrics of the song—actually, it’s in Man of La Mancha—within the lyrics of the song, there are some words that are questionnable. They’re not by any means bad words, although they are not words that you would want to listen to with young children because that might require some explaining.
And again, these are not words that will necessarily get through and out of school or anything, but they are word that if they hear them might inspire the question, “What does that mean?” which might not be the exact time that you want to explain exactly what that means.
So, I have given this. Even though they’re not awful words, they are words that you may not want your kids to hear, so I’ve given it an explicit rating even though I think that’s a little dramatic because there’s nobody swearing like crazy in this podcast. But it’s just to protect you in case you listen to kids or listen to this with the family or whatever. You might want to either put on some headphones or listen to it first and see if those are words that are offensive to you in any way.
I won’t say them here, obviously. That would destroy the point of giving you an opportunity to turn this off.
So anyway, with that said, let’s jump into this podcast to this today with this idea that I have.
My question is, “Do you have somebody in your life whose eyes you can see yourself through?” Now, let me say that again, so it makes sense. “Do you have anyone in your life—a mentor, a loved one or anyone—whose eyes you can see yourself through?” In other words, somebody who really sees your essence, sees you as you really are?
And since we’re talking about singing most of the time in this show, here’s you as you really are with no judgment, just support—just love, just compassion, just support—who really, really holds you in the highest energy. Do you have anybody like that in your life?
You may or may not. But it’s really wonderful if you do. I’m sure maybe you have loved ones or maybe you’ve worked with life coaches or with mentors, people who really can see your essence. In other words, people that see beyond and through your stories about yourself or your voice.
For me, I’ve had mentors for years and years and years. I don’t have one individual person right now quite frankly except my wife. And we have been doing that for each other lately. We’ve always had mentors. We’ve always had people in our lives that we would go to and it really felt like a time—and I don’t know if it will be forever this time. But it felt certainly like a time to go into our relationship and go into our relationship with ourselves and begin to trust that part of ourselves now—after so many years of working on this and working with this—to trust that part of ourselves that can see our essence, to get in touch with the part of ourselves that is aware of that essence part of us, to get in touch with the essence of ourselves. We are now doing that for each other when we can’t do it for ourselves.
So, if you don’t have anybody like that, I highly recommend that you open to find somebody like that or be lent to somebody like that who can really be that for you when you can’t be that for yourself.
And my goodness, we certainly all have times—I certainly do—when we cannot be that for ourselves. We’re in the story, and that’s it. We need somebody to gently bring us back to being present with that essence of who we really are rather than the story that we tell about ourselves sometimes.
And sometimes, we’re in a place where we can practice—like we’ve talked about—the mindfulness which creates the space which gives us then the opportunity to see ourselves telling the story and be aware of a part of us that isn’t the story.
But sometimes, if we’re deep into the story and really feel an attachment to the story, it really helps to have somebody that can gently nudge us back, help pull us back and help us create some space, so we can see, “Oh, yeah. Thank you. I’m in that right now, aren’t I? I’m doing that again and telling that story. I’m believing this about myself” or whatever. So, I really recommend that for you.
Now, I want to drive the point home by chatting about the show, Man of La Mancha. And this will make sense.
I sang a song for years called Dulcinea. And in this story, Man of La Mancha, Don Quixote sees this gal whose name Aldonza.
And people, for those of you who know this show—yes, the show—in the show, certainly, he may have some mental challenges obviously. Some things are going on. He’s tilting at windmills and he’s doing all these things. But let’s just pretend here for a second that he is the—well, let’s say, the “normal” one. Let’s say that this is really a metaphor. And when he sees this woman, Aldonza, let’s just say that he is seeing her essence. He’s seeing who she really is.
In the story—and here, I’m going to use one of those words. So, I warned you in case you’re listening to this and you didn’t hear the intro. I’m about to say a word that you may not want children to hear because they may question you about it. If you didn’t hear the intro, you can pause it now if you are shy about such words. And I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to have to explain this to my child yet. But anyway, I’m going to say it now. You had plenty of time to turn it off.
She is, in the story, a whore and she’s had a very traumatic life. She doesn’t know who her father was. She says, “My father was a regiment here for an hour.” She doesn’t even know what side. So, she doesn’t even know because her mother, also, was a whore. She says she was “born on a dungheap to die on a dungheap.”
So, let me read a couple of other lines of hers. Well, first, let me read his lines because he sees her and he calls her this beautiful name, Dulcinea. So, he sees her as Dulcinea when she’s waiting on him. He says to her—and this is within the song—“I’ve dreamed thee too long. Never seen thee or touched thee, but known thee with all of my heart. Half a prayer, half a song, thou hast always been with me though we have been always part.”
He says, “Dulcinea, I see heaven when I see thee, Dulcinea. Thy name is like a prayer and angel whispers. Dulcinea, Dulcinea.” He continues, he says, “If I reach out to thee, do not tremble and shrink from the touch of my hand on thy hair. Let my fingers but see thou art warm and alive and no phantom to fade in the air.”
“Dulcinea, Dulcinea, I have sought thee, sung thee, dreamed thee, Dulcinea.”
So this, he’s seeing just this wonderful essence of this amazing woman.
She says, “Take the clouds from your eyes, and see me as I really am. You have shown me the sky. But what good is the sky to a creature who will never do better than crawl.”
“Of all the cruel bastards who’ve badgered and battered me, you are the cruelest of all. Can’t you see what your gentle insanities do to me? Rob me of anger, and give me despair. Blows and abuse, I can take and give back again. Tenderness, I cannot bear.”
“So please torture me now with your sweet Dulcineas no more. I am no one, I am nothing. I’m only Aldonza, the whore.”
Now, the reason I read this is because that oftentimes, what she’s saying, those words and that energy, that’s oftentimes how hard our patterns and our conditioning and our stories fight. That’s often how hard they fight.
So be aware. We need to be aware of that because when somebody tells us that we’re in a pattern or we’re in a story, our reaction sometimes can be this. I mean, she says, “Of all the cruel bastards who’ve badgered and battered me, you’re the cruelest of all.” And all he’s being is loving and nice to her. And to her, that is the cruelest thing that anybody could be.
“Can’t you see what your gentle insanities do to me? Rob me of anger, and give me despair. Blows and abuse, I can take you and give back again. Tenderness, I cannot bear.”
“So please torture me now with your sweet Dulcineas no more. I am no one. I am nothing. I’m only Aldonza, the whore.”
Look how hard our stories and our conditioning fight. When somebody is telling you about your voice how wonderful you are, what your potential is, and you exist on hanging on, “No, I’m not. I’m terrible. I’m awful. I’m never going to get any better. That was horrible. The high note was awful.”
We all do that. We’ve all done that. That’s how hard our stories fight. It’s sometimes agonizing to have somebody say anything other than what we’re already believing.
Sometimes it’s the meanest thing somebody can do according to the perception of our story when we are in the story. Aldonza was in the story. She couldn’t bear to be pulled out of the story and look at who she might really be. That’s how hard our stories fight. That’s how hard that part of us fight to hang on to the stories that we tell about ourselves that don’t serve us.
So, if you have somebody that can intervene in those situations gently and lovingly that could remind you of who you are or hold the space for you to be Aldonza for a while, to take 15 minutes or a half hour or a day and be Aldonza and feel like that and allowing yourself to feel like that without beating yourself up over it.
But then, gently have somebody who can bring you back, so that you can feel the space and say, “Okay, I was really there. I was there. I was feeding it. That’s totally okay. It’s totally okay. And now, I’m beginning to get some space and see, ‘Wow! That is a part of me that is Dulcinea. And there’s a part of me that feels like Aldonza. And that’s okay.’ But there’s an essence of me that isn’t Aldonza and is aware of the part of me that feels like Aldonza. But the essence is not Aldonza. The essence doesn’t feel like Aldonza.”
“The essence is Dulcinea. The essence is real. The essence, quite frankly, actually is beyond Dulcinea even. But it’s a great metaphor and it’s a great story.”
But if you can find somebody if you don’t have anybody now until you can do it for yourself, it really, really helps.
But the important thing, I think the message here is two-fold. Until you can do it for yourself, if you can find somebody to help gently bring you back from your stories about your voice, that is going to be really beneficial.
And the second thing is how hard our stories fight sometimes and how hard we fight to defend them. That’s really important to know.
So, the next time you’re with your teacher or you’re singing for a friend or you’re singing just for yourself, and you get upset with your voice and you just think you’re terrible, “Oh, that was an awful performance… an awful note. I’m never going to get this. I’m never going to get any better,” just think gently about this song, this lyric that I just read you and how hard Aldonza was fighting to convince this person who was seeing her true essence that she was nothing.
“I am no one. I am nothing. I’m only Aldonza, the whore.” Leave me alone. You’re killing me with this. Stop doing this. Blows and abuse, hitting me, doing all that, I can take that because I can give it back again. I’m tough. But tenderness, no, I can’t take that.
So, the next time you’re beating yourself up or tempted to beat yourself up about your voice, allow that lyric to come back to you and allow that picture of this Aldonza person fighting for her right to hang on to the story that she isn’t Dulcinea, but that she is a whore and she’s nothing, that’s how hard our stories fight.
So, I know that this is pretty heavy stuff. I look down at the clock now. It’s usually about 20 minutes. I think 15 minutes is about enough. I know that was pretty heavy. I hope that wasn’t too heavy for all of you. But it’s what I was feeling. I had this idea a long time ago.
And let me know, give me feedback. Tell me if this was good for you, not good for you, something that you like to hear, something that you resonate with, something that will help you.
But I think, again—I’m not going to belabor it, I’m not going to say it again. I’ve already mentioned that I think there were really two major takeaways here. Well, I will say it again. What the heck! I’ll say it again. The two major takeaways are as follows:
If you can find somebody to help you recognize when you’re in a story if you can’t do it yourself, that will really be beneficial. And number two is just to know that in all of us, every human walking this planet, that’s how hard we fight for our stories whether they’re true or not.
So anyway, that’s what I’ll leave you with. I hope this was enlightening. I hope the words were not too offensive. They’re from a Broadway song, so I thought I could get away with it.
Anyway, again, I’d love your feedback. I will look forward to chatting with you next week. I look down here, we’re just about 17 minutes, a little shorter than usual, but I think some pretty heavy stuff to think about.
Okay! My best to you. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I will see you next week. Bye bye.